Everyone has moments when they put others first, to their own detriment, particularly in intimate relationships, but many men tend to derive much of their sense of purpose in their self-sacrifice or in being stoic. This can be a dedication to a job they dislike, working long hours to bring in money at the expense of seeing their children grow up, remaining in a dysfunctional relationship or not following their passion with regards to a hobby or doing something they enjoy. Some men struggle to find contentment and struggle to 'know' who they are without the expectations of the job, partnership or families.
Men can be encouraged by Western society to adopt a hero mindset and can sometimes feel that they have to be stoic or tough in difficult times. Who has not heard 'suck it up princess''? In a man's world emotions can seem unnecessary or inconvenient, and showing emotions that are not associated with strength or power can be seen as weakness. Sometimes the poor foundation of emotional education and support boys are given during childhood and adolescence can leave men feeling ill-equipped to deal with the pressure of strong emotion when times get tough.
Entering into relationships with a hero mindset supports men in believing that they are responsible for the lives of those they care about, or that the job they do could not be done without them, Their sense of self-value is founded in their level of investment in others or things, but when situations go wrong or they feel undervalued -it can feel like rejection. What can be worse, is that when they attempt to 'fix things' or to try to be supportive, they can be controlling instead. Their well-meaning protection can become dominating and inflexible.
A more balanced way of thinking, that allows individuals to grow and develop healthy relationships, is the health mindset. This is a way of thinking that promotes self-nurture and self-discovery. In turn, this generates authenticity - which forms a much better basis for interpersonal interactions.
Men can benefit from counselling tailored specifically to them because they often prefer it to be straightforward, informational and to the point.
Anyone feeling hopeless and lost, is engaging in addictive behaviours, or is struggling to find their sense of self, might need time to figure some things out. We can help.
Men can learn how to develop a health not a hero mentality. Sometimes you have to care for yourself before you can care for others effectively.
Complete our contact form, talk to one of our counsellors, and begin the journey to self-discovery. If nothing changes then nothing will change.
